WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
