I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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