Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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