Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
