I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
