my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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