dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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