Farmville is her only friend.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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