I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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