This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
