New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
