So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
