I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
