Plan B is the new Plan A
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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