planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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