i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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