I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment