Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.