I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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