okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
