She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
