Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
