Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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