I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
