you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
