well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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