There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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