operation harelip BJ is a go
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize