threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
