sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
