I cockslap morals
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
