he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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