Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
