He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
