Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
