just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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