We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
