So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
