When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
