Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
