too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
