i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want nice things and good sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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