His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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