Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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