Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize