sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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