He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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