I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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