3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
