i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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