I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
