In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
