My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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