Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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