Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We have started to decorate penises.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
