All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
