Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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