she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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