No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
