He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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